I often have the tendancy to shy away from writing posts majorly about being a Christian or specific events and stuff like that but I think it’s about time that I stood up and said “Look at this moment”. Now I get that it’s not everyone’s cup of tea so I get it if you hit Next or close the window but please just for a sec, pull up a pew and have a read.
Since I was younger I’ve been one of those people who attempts to hide what is really up and pretend that the world is all sparkles and daisies (As my friend put it once lol) so I squish down the issue and pretend all is good until I explode and make a mess.
For quite a while I’ve been feeling a bit down in the mouth and like I’m not good enough to achieve stuff. That God gives the people around me picture, visions and goals because they are some how more holier, better or cooler than me. I think this has hurt the most when Chris came back from Soul Survivor and was all excited and like it was going to explode with some great plan about the future, it made me feel really horrible and like I was the worst person and that I was no good at anything (especially given other attitudes around me).
This evening at Connect Group* we were having a prayer and prophesy evening. We started just hanging out and chatting about our camping trip this weekend then got down to business.
We’d been sat that and had a few prophesies. I was sit listening to the music and being a sponge in the way that I do.
Caz read out a passage from Philippians 2:6
Who, being in very nature God,
did not consider equality with God something to be grasped,
but made himself nothing,
taking the very nature of a servant,
being made in human likeness.
And being found in appearance as a man,
he humbled himself
and became obedient to death—
even death on a cross!
Therefore God exalted him to the highest place
and gave him the name that is above every name,
that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow,
in heaven and on earth and under the earth,
and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord,
to the glory of God the Father.
I kinda nodded and smiled and went back to my train of thought (don’t ask me what I was thinking about i’m not entirely sure now lol) Caz then started talking about that because of Jesus dying for us we are free from condemnation.
Well this is one of those moments where God gives you a loving slap round the head and tells you to pay attention lol.
It always boggles my brain how people can prophesy over you and because of what God has told them can cut straight to the chase. The Murf agreed with Caz and then said that he’s going to stick his head out and risk it. My heart was going “please not me, please not me” well then The Murf says my name and (slap round head) he was correct.
I know I am free and that Jesus died for me on the cross but somedays I get so down that I begin to believe that I am not worthy of his love.
I want to analyse more but I’m still processing kinda. We got home and me and Chris chatted over stuff and Chris told me I needed to be more like a meerkat rather than a ferret.
If you’ve ever seen Meerkats on nature documentaries they scurry around and when they hear a predator they are up on their hind legs to see whats going on. Well Chris said that I need to stop studying the detail of the ground and get up on my hind legs and look at the bigger picture.
I was writing my other blog post and he sat down on the floor and put his hand on my shin and started praying for me. I felt bad that I wasn’t really having a moment but I started writing this post so that I don’t forget what happened and whats going on. I have a list next to me that I need to write up for the group today or tomorrow but I needed to do this. (Guys if you are reading and I missed something important please tell me – leave a comment or drop me an email)
*Connect Group is like a bible study/friends hanging out.
When I spoke at my Parents Church on Sunday, I grabbed the hymn book and read out this song, it’s called I Can Only Imagine – it wasn’t really in my original plan but it kept going round my head on Sunday.