This is a bit of an unpolished post – I think I spend so much time trying to polish up the posts and made them publishable that I don’t blog and disappear for over a week! So this is just a spontaneous ramblings around what I’m thinking and feeling…
Yesterday I sat at my Mum’s dining room table, I asked her, when she had me and my Dad was at work all day were there days when she didn’t want to go home to an empty house. It was a simple enough question but it made me cry all the same. Maybe I’d just been holding it in or all those crazy Mummy hormones exploded everywhere, but it was a cry that I needed. Our Sidekick and Chris were both out for the afternoon and the idea of coming home to an empty house sort of filled me a bit with dread – there was nothing to fear and I’m fine now but I just didn’t want to go home at that moment in time. Don’t worry I am keeping a note of all these feelings just in case but as they seem to come and go rather than hanging around for hours on end I’m not entirely worried but now that my Mum knows how I feel hopefully her and Chris will keep an eye on me and point me in the direction of help if it looks more serious.
My Mum gave me a hug too which made me feel a bit better then she took charge. I’ve been working on a present for Our Sidekick’s Mum for Christmas and his Christmas Contact slot is getting closer and closer and I just have to keep knitting and getting it done. (I’m writing this post when I probably should be knitting but right now I need a time out lol). My Mum told me it was completely fine to feel like that sometimes and that with Christmas coming we are all trying to be Superwomen and get everything done before Christmas gets here. She’s self employed so not only is she trying to get all the Christmas shopping done and get the decorations done she’s trying to get all the ends tied up ready to have some time off over Christmas just to hang out. My Mum took charge and send me home to get my knitting and then come back, Jaxon was asleep in his car seat so my Dad looked after him and made sure he was okay while I popped home. It was just what the doctor ordered so to speak, I came home and made dinner and then watched Strictly while knitting and feeding Jaxon in the gaps.
Earlier in the week my new shirt arrived from Redbubble designed by GeekySweetheart. I decided that I was going to wear it to church but figured that if I was going to do that then I needed to make sure I was wearing Jaxon for at least part of the service. Although I’ve got a bit rubbish and stopped baby wearing for a bit – it’s something I want to get back into especially if I can start back carrying Jaxon as I might find it easier than having 18lbs of baby strapped to my front! I decided to invest in this shirt because I think it’s really funny. I’ve got a baseball shirt with it printed on the back in pink font and wore it to church today. The pastor was the first one to spot it and thought it was really funny – I got quite a few comments especially when Jaxon wasn’t with me and people were genuinely like “Is Jaxon okay?”
So while I attempt to be Superwoman I need to hit publish, evacuate the computer for Chris and go back to knitting. What are you all attempting to do before Christmas? Are you like me and have a mass to do list running that doesn’t seem to be shrinking right now?