The One Where God Tweets Creation

A while back a friend sent me this. I then found it posted online here: http://melindataub.com/god-twitters-creation/#more-253

God: Gosh its dark in here.
7 days ago

God: There thats better.
7 days ago

God: Hey guys im finally on twitter! Whats up?
7 days ago

God: guys?
7 days ago

God: oh right. i’m the only thing in existence, haha.
7 days ago

God: shut up i wasnt talking 2 you RT @Satan I TOO EXIST
7 days ago

God: BOOORREEDD with endless void gonna make some stuff
7 days ago

God: Hey look what I did today! Separated the darkness from the light. Universe looks like a black and white cookie.
7 days ago

God: I shall call the light day and the darkness Eileen.
7 days ago

God: Darkness doesnt look like an Eileen. Lets go with night
7 days ago

God: Also i created heaven & earth.
7 days ago

God: also i created apostrophes but im not gonna use them
7 days ago

God: thats enough creating for now. Catch ya tomorrow
7 days ago

God: RT @Satan: WHAT IS “TOMORROW”
7 days ago

God: oh i forgot 2 mention i created time too. Busy day.
7 days ago

God: kind of lame creating 2day. Created a firmament. Not sure what that is
6 days ago

God: OMme so much 2 do 2day you guys! Got to bring 4th land from the waters AND create plants and trees. What should i do first?!
5 days ago

God: should have done land first. plants sank
5 days ago

God: fixed! Trees now ON TOP of land.
5 days ago

God: sorry no tweets yesterday guys. Made the sun moon & stars. turned out 2 be more work than i expected. Theyre bigger than they look
3 days ago

God: another busy day. Made @beastsofthesea, @birdsoftheair, and best of all: @penguins. Those turned out so well.
3 days ago

God: made some more kinds of penguins.
3 days ago

God: Poll: What else should i make? a. beasts of the land b. creatures in my own image c. more penguins
2 days ago

God: Answer my poll!
2 days ago

God: maybe it was a mistake to create the internet b4 invention of computers
2 days ago

God: all right penguins it is. Yay!
2 days ago

God: oops. Penguins don’t like the desert.
2 days ago

God: or Indiana.
2 days ago

God: or the sky.
2 days ago

God: ill try the rainforest. Everything thrives in the rainforest.
2 days ago

God: Not penguins.
2 days ago

God: screw it. Made a bunch of other beasts of the land. Not as awesome as penguins but much less picky.
2 days ago

God: also created fake fossils and planted them in the ground 2 make the earth appear much older than it is. Just a little practical joke.
2 days ago

God: i need more followers.
2 days ago

God: #FollowFriday @adam @eve
2 days ago

God: @adam @eve I am the LORD your God who separated the light from the darkness. You shall have no other God before me for I am the LORD your Go
2 days ago

God: &#$%ing character limits. Point is, yay! I made you! Hi! Do what i say.
2 days ago

God: @adam: such as #noteatingapples.
2 days ago

God: @adam what do u mean why? Because im ur god and i said so.
2 days ago

God: @adam why r u bugging me about this? u can have all the mangoes u want and theyre way better.
2 days ago

God: @adam well youre just going to have to take my word for it.
2 days ago

God: @adam WHAT is ur DAMAGE with this apple thing? Eves not tweeting about apples. Shes just off – um –
2 days ago

God: @eve Hey!
2 days ago

God: @adam @eve: EPIC FAIL at #noteatingapples. Both of u r BANNED
2 days ago

God: so yesterday was really stressful. Im taking a break today. No more tweets til tomorrow.
1 day ago

God: Check it out, baby panda sneezing! http://tr.im/DsZ5 (took a break from my break to create YouTube.)
1 day ago