Wednesday 19th November

Along with the 5th November 2008 and today they will both be imprinted on my mind forever.
Today was Grandma’s Funeral Celebration of life. On the order of service, the photo of Grandma was taken at my wedding 18 months ago. It was lovely to see her smiling! (Even if it was in a photo).
My Grandad asked my Dad to read a tribute to Grandma and it was so lovely. It was actually from one of the sympathy cards that my parents had received but I totally got why my Dad read it because it just had my Grandma written all over! 
Trust my Dad to make me cry – I wasn’t on purpose trying to hold it in but I wanted to be strong for my Dad – he’s on his own for the next few days as my Mum has had to go away for work. I just wanna call him to chat and speak to him and make sure he’s doing alright – doing ok is the wrong phrase after all his Mum passed away two weeks ago.
My cousins were on the same row as me in the service and they ended up holding each others hand in the service cos my cousin was in pieces. I wanted to get up in the middle of the service – kneel on the chair in front of his and lean over the row and give him a hug.
The service at the church was hard because we didn’t know any of the songs (but in true me style i tried to make it up as i went along!). Our row (which was all family) followed the coffin and Grandad, Mum Dad and Richard out of the church – it was a bit cloudy and the weather looked like it could turn nasty. Three friends from church came to the service which was good – just to know that they were giving up an hour of their time to be there was really nice. 
We had the service at the crematorium which was hard as well because I knew what was coming but it wasn’t so bad as they pull a curtain round so I stared at the hymn book on the chair in front of me.
CJ kept over analysing everything and it was really quite hard and I don’t think he realised how much it was hurting. We came out the church and he was rather harsh towards me (It was warm but I smelt like a cross between washing powder and shampoo rather than anything nasty!). On the way out of the church and onto Putnoe Lane the pallbearer walked in front of the hearse so that he could stop the traffic and let the convoy of cars through.
When we got to the Crematorium he kept talking about the car park and what the building looks like and stuff like that and I just wanted to scream at him – I didn’t want to be talking about what was happening I wanted to talk about the weather or Star Trek that we were watching last night – just anything that what was happening at the present (does that make sense?)
Anyhoo! The wake lunch thing went well minus me backing into Uncle S’s coffee cup and knocking it down him – He got in a right one at me and didn’t really accept my apology. Me Cousin K Rich Mum and Dad ended up hanging out in the hall way and on the stairs as there was a lack of space. CJ and David rabbeted on about computers and climbing for most of the afternoon. 
Later in the afternoon me, Auntie B, Mike, Nadia and Rich ended up stood in the kitchen talking about drunk experiences and going to the pub. Maybe we all fancied it or something! Auntie B lives about 6 doors from their village pub! 
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